Each day that passes is a day farther away from my pregnancy with the boys, a day farther away from their birth, a day farther away from their funeral, farther away from when "the boys room" was still "the boys room," farther away from the plans we made. Each day we move forward in a direction that puts the boys in the past. Time is making my boys a memory and I hate it.
I always had a gut feeling that I would deliver them the last week of July - 30 weeks. That is tomorrow. I should still be pregnant and I think my body knows it.
This week marks the last milestone in my pregnancy, the six week postpartum doctor's appointment. As with John, I viewed that appointment as a sign that the pregnancy and birth were complete and that our new life was about to begin - our new normal. I guess I view this appointment the same way. An end and a beginning.
Our appointment is tomorrow. I'm both looking forward to it and dreading it. To say we have a lot of questions is an understatement. While our care during the delivery was superb, the care we received the week leading up the delivery is quite a mess and that's when it mattered most. I have not talked much about it because I want to clarify with my doctor what in fact did or did not take place. Worst cast scenario is that we get no answers and I guess I'm prepared for that as well.
I've been wondering if the care you received the week prior to their birth had been, or was going to be reviewed and/or explained to you and Aaron. I hope you get answers, explanations, and most importantly, reassurances that any future pregnancies you have will be safe and to term for all involved. John is a healthy, happy boy with the love of great parents, and while his brothers will always be an important part of his life, however brief that time was, I see him and his parents looking towards the future where more love and siblings for John await.
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